Autism and It’s Positives

Last week I had the absolute pleasure of visiting Walter's old nursery where I read my new book 'Buster Finds His Beat' to the pre-school children. They were an absolute joy, super cute, totally engaged and I loved every moment of it. After it got me thinking about Walters time here and how important it is that all children feel included.

If you are a mother or a father, you know that nothing quite prepares you for parenthood. You are suddenly handed your baby and instantly you enter this new, bizarre, exciting yet terrifying world of the unknown. Maybe like me, you thought you would be a carefree zen-like mother. Or maybe you would be more of a firm but fair parent, with a child who sleeps through the night and enjoys organic broccoli and quinoa. Who knows? One thing parenthood has taught me is that life is unpredictable. There are no perfect parents, there are no perfect children and we are all doing our very best.

In 2017 my son Walter was diagnosed with ASD (Autistic Spectrum Disorder). His diagnosis turned everything I thought about ‘parenting’ on its head. Instead of trips to the zoo, theatre, museums or even ‘play dates’ with other children, we were thrown into a world of speech and language therapy, meetings with health professionals, doctor and paediatric appointments, packed schedules, and the most challenging aspect of it all  - dealing with the uncertainty. This was not the path I had envisioned and for a very long time I felt like I mourned for the son I never had and then felt massive waves of guilt for wanting to ‘change’ the beautiful son I did have. Nothing prepares you for the moment that your child receives an autism spectrum diagnosis. Any parent who has been in this situation will tell you the nature of the diagnosis and uncertainty of the future is crippling. I was hit hard by both the mental-emotional stress. I had spent years thinking about parenthood, dreaming and preparing for the future – and now I felt that hope and excitement had been snatched away from Walter and replaced with a big fat question mark.

Before Walter I knew very little, if anything, at all about Autism – which lead me to have the same misconceptions that many others have. I didn’t know what the future installed, I didn’t know about the obstacles, judgement and discrimination we would face, but I knew I LOVE my son. He needed help and I needed to learn how to help him.

Autism is a lifelong, developmental disability that affects how a person communicates with and relates to other people, and how they experience the world around them.

Now originally this blog was going to be about the hard parts of Autism. I’m talking about the meltdowns, the judgment from people, the potential barriers when trying to get a diagnosis, the isolation, guilt and loneliness etc. All of which are incredibly important issues and ones which I will talk openly and honestly in upcoming blogs. But today I want to dedicate it to all the GOOD things about Autism because for too long Autism has been seen as being the worst thing that your child could have. Autism is often defined and described in terms of deficits and I am sure this happens in order to determine what support is needed, but always talking about what a person can’t do or do as well as their peers can be demoralizing.  Just because improvements can be small and difficult to see it doesn’t mean they should not be celebrated. Imagine if someone only described you as the things you couldn’t do? Imagine what that would do to your self-esteem and well-being? Thinking about autism in more favourable terms will change your thinking and responses towards someone with autism.

So, today is all about the positives of ASD and here are mine:

1.     A Strong Bond

There are many positive things that come from having a child with autism. For one, you are undoubtedly the most important person in your child’s life and the bond you have is very strong. Whilst raising a child with Autism can bring stress on a family it’s important to note that it can also bring the family closer. Walter has two younger brothers; Stanley (two and a half) and Hugo who is 9 months old. Stanley is already showing signs of compassion and understanding of the differences in others because of his experiences he shares with Walter.

2.     Exceptional Memories

Walter has an exceptional memory and can remember information he saw or read weeks, months or even years ago. He’s a visual learner and detailed focused. For example, Walter will tell you what book he was reading on the way to IKEA back in 2017. Or a common one in our household is if you should accidentally put the kettle and toaster plugs into different sockets; to me, the toaster and kettle plugs look identical as they are both black, the same size and are even made by the same company. But Walter knows the order of which they go and will quickly tell you should you mess this up!

3.     A different world view

I often look at Walter and think he’s in his own little world. Sometimes I’m fascinated as he sits there in a deep focus whilst other times, I feel frustrated as he won’t or can’t let me into his bubble. Walter can become so fixated on an object, sound or activity to the point that he will do it repeatedly. Some call these obsessions whilst I like to think of them as his special interests. I think if you can harness and nurture these interests it can be a lifeline to learning, earning an income and in the right environment, people with autism can make a great contribution to society.

4.     Creativity

As parents of a child with ASD, one of our biggest challenges was figuring out what would spark Walter’s interest. He didn’t gravitate towards toys or other children was completely non-verbal until the age of four. We needed to find common ground with him to establish a close bond while also building the foundations for learning. Although his communication was limited, Walter clearly enjoyed nursery rhymes and singing.  We sang to him all the time. To this day we still sing to him at every given opportunity. Over the years we’ve made up a right collection of songs which Walter finds very comical. We use song to also ease Walter’s anxiety for example; he’s really sensitive to the sound and feel of rain so whenever it rains you better believe we’ll be singing.

5.     Visual Skills

While many children grow attached to a stuffed animal or a blanket, Walter fell hard for words and books. Supermarket displays, road signs, vehicle registrations, books of any nature are all his favourite things. 90% of pictures of Walter from the age of around 1-4 are of him with a book in his hand. Words and the alphabet, in particular, opened the door for more play and learning opportunities and as his interests grow, I continue to pay attention to what makes him tick so that I can support his learning.

6.     Honesty

We all claim to value the truth, but almost all of us tell little white lies. Walter will always tell you the truth (unless he doesn’t quite understand what you are asking him) – whether it’s positive or negative. A person with autism will accurately reflect their feelings and respond with complete frankness when asked their opinion. Walter can be very matter of fact at times and honestly (pun intended) it’s actually really refreshing.

7.     Passionate

There is a persistent stereotype that people with autism are individuals who lack empathy and are void of emotion. It’s true that many people with autism don’t show emotion in ways that people without the condition would recognize. But the notion that people with autism generally lack empathy and cannot recognize feelings is wrong. Walter is such a loving boy who is truly passionate about certain things and people in his life. He will spend the time, energy, and imagination necessary to truly master an area of interest. Even when it’s difficult or frustrating.

8.     Friendships

I have met some of the most inspirational and supportive friends from the autism community. I have connected with wonderful people and have a lifelong bond with a group of people who understand what we as a family are going through.

Thinking about the positive aspects of autism can break stereotypes, open doors to new opportunities, make the community more inclusive, and change how we support people with autism at home, school, and in the community. So let’s all celebrate and embrace a different way of thinking. If all you see is Autism, you will miss out on the loving, kind, creative, honest and inspiring individual. Autism: Different Not Less.